We have some great general mother of the bride or groom tips for you that will help you enjoy the ride with less of the pressure so you can enjoy the special role you have in your child’s wedding.
Being the mother of a child who is going to be married is an exciting time – and maybe even a little bit stressful! Every parent-child relationship is different, but these tips should help give you a general idea of how to start off and keep going on the right foot.
Set Your Role Early On
Once the marriage plans are in motion, talk to your child about what they may expect of you and what you can do to help them. Even if you (or your child) think certain parts of your involvement may be automatically obvious, it’s worth confirming expectations with each other to avoid confusion later on down the line. Which brings us to…
Whether it’s the issue of money or volunteering duties, be open and honest about what you can and can’t provide. Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for her wedding, but this is becoming less common as modern couples take a more bespoke attitude to all aspects of their wedding. Talking frankly about finances and other areas of support that you may provide will help your child solidify their plans for the celebrations, and remove a potential source of pressure by avoiding false expectations, over-promising, and under-delivering.
Get in Touch with the Other In-Laws
You, your child, or their soon-to-be spouse may arrange a get-together or two before the big day. This is a great way to break the ice and maybe go over details of the wedding day. You don’t have to be instant best friends, but if you haven’t met the in-laws yet or only see them very rarely, this is a good opportunity to do a bit of socialising with them before you see them on the big day itself.
Check Your Expectations and Pick Your Battles
As previously mentioned, a frank conversation with your child at the start of the wedding planning is the best way to avoid miscommunication. However, you may find yourself unsure or outright disagreeing with some details that arise during the planning. If you find yourself in this position then it’s worth taking a step back and reminding yourself that it’s not your wedding. If there is an issue that you do want to press, then present it to your child as a request and be prepared to accept a refusal and to drop the matter once you have your answer.
Be Prepared to go Through the Archives
Your child may be relying on you to have to contact details of distant relatives for sending invitations, so be ready to go through your address book(s), or to be contacting people who may have the information more at hand. This can also be a good time to set aside for going through old photos and other collected memories of your child, and maybe even find an heirloom to pass on to the happy couple.
Be Prepared to be a Hub of Information
Again, this depends on the roles that you and child have defined in an honest talk at the start of the wedding plans. However, whatever you decide, there is a very high chance of you being seen as a main contact point for family and friends who don’t want to take up you child’s time with requests for information. If your child has set up a wedding website, then pointing people in its direction can reduce the amount of time you spend reciting the same information. Even if they do (and especially if they don’t), it’s worth having all the pertinent details such as wedding gift registry information, venue specifics, menu selection, etc in one place and close to hand for when you’re inevitably asked questions (even by people who should already have the information at hand!).